An Open Letter to Jay-Z
Dear Jay,
Can I call you Jay? Thanks. I heard you were coming to town and I just wanted to make a little public service announcement sharing my concerns about your latest high-profile celebrity feud. Up againstNaS and The Game, you handled yourself well, and I think it's fair to say that we all had your back. But this new beef has forced me to rethink my loyalties.
I'm referring, of course, to your recent rant against Auto-Tune. It's bad enough that you had to make a clichéd diss track the first single off your post-post-post-retirement album, but then you're out there knocking all the "rappas turnt sangas." Compared to "Takeover," this is pathetic. Even next to your hits on NBAplayer DeShawn Stevenson in "Blow the Whistle," it's lame.
Look, I can see where you're coming from. Ever since T-Painadopted the pitch-correcting technology to create his hallmark sound, it seems everyone who's anyone in hip-hop (present company excluded) has been picking it up. Now, maybe you cut "D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune)" because you're worried that it's bastardizing hip-hop. Or maybe you just think the effect is played out. Either way, the truth is that you should be above the fray on this issue. You're Sean Carter. Hova. Jiggaman. Your birthday ("December 4th") is a hood holiday. What more can I say: You built the dynasty by being one of the realest [fellows] out. So why are you crying about how Akon cuts a record? I mean, you've got 99 problems — does Auto-Tune need to be number 100? Why not spend that time relaxing, maybe at the 40/40 club, with ESPN on the screen?
I mean, really, you just released a song to bitch about decades-old technology. Isn't that a bit undignified for an artist and businessman of your caliber? Barack Obama didn't get to theOval Office by campaigning against Barry Goldwater, and you can't stay at the top of your game if you're focusing on iTunesplug-ins. You might as well pick a beef with Milli Vanilli.
You can talk shit about Auto-Tune, but here's the truth: Your song kinda sucks. Even if I look past the part where you — the founder of Roc-A-Fella Records and Rocawear — insinuate that you're not in it for the money, and then ignore the part where you butcher the hook from "Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye" like an American Idol reject, the writing still leaves quite a bit to be desired.
Besides all that, Auto-Tune is actually awesome. Without it, we wouldn't have 808s and Heartbreak. Hell, we wouldn't even have T-Pain. And anybody with access to YouTube knows that any given episode of Auto-Tune the News is easily twice as entertaining as "D.O.A."
And, seriously, Mr. C.E.O.: While you player-hate, Kanye's in the upper millions. And, yes, he knows you're going to criticize the hook on his song, but does he really give a fuck? No, he does not.
Let's compare. Here's you rapping about Auto-Tune, but off on a tangent: "Stop your blood clot crying / the kid, the dog / everybody dying / no lying."
Not the most original rhymes I've ever heard. Alan Keyes could have written that. Now listen to Auto-Tune the News, afterJustice Ruth Bader Ginsburg lamented the lack of women on the Supreme Court: "Ain't nobody have a breakfast with all sausage and no eggs, / We need a shorty with a hot body and sexy legs / When the court convenes it's an ancient sausage festival / Only two ovaries, 16 testicles."
That's brilliant. Especially compared to "D.O.A.": "Get your chain tooken / I may do it myself / I'm so Brooklyn!"
Actually, Jay, I'd say you are making Brooklyn look bad. Michael Gregory, the creator of Auto-Tune the News, lives in Brooklyn, too, though, admittedly he used to dribble (as a baby) down in VA (he's originally from Radford). Though he's a Brooklyn immigrant, I would argue that he is, without reasonable doubt, Brooklyn's finest. What else can I say about the dude, he gets busy?
You've still got a couple months before The Blueprint85 drops. So, please, Jay, take your time, regroup, and put out a product you can be proud of.
My response:
Dear Brian,
Can I call you Brian? Thanks. I just read your Open Letter to Jay-Z and I just wanted to make public service announcement sharing my opinion of you and your thoughts about auto-tune and the state of hip-hop. First let me start of by saying that I did enjoy your references to Jay’s songs in the letter but that’s where it stopped. Your comments in support of auto-tune are exactly what’s wrong with hip-hop these days. People, artist, record labels are all in search of the all mighty dollar, which is fine I suppose being it is a business these days. But the way artist and record labels have been in search of this dollar is pretty sickening as it has come to gimmicks to sell records. Auto-tune may have been a “tool” used long ago but in recent history it has become a crutch and a gimmick. I think what you failed to understand, Jay wasn’t hating on auto-tune, he was hating on the way it’s become a gimmick for people to sell records and ringtones. The record is an assault on all fake bullshit; auto-tune just took top billing in that assault. Just to make it clear, Jay wasn’t campaigning against Barry Goldwater to get to the oval office. He’s campaigning against people using his “tactics” and “speeches” (if you will) to make it to the top of the game just to sell a few ringtones. I really hope this doesn’t leave you “8o8 and Heart-broken” but I really think you might need a few lessons in hip-hop or something before you run your mouth off to Sean Carter. Hova. Jiggaman. Because to me it’s pretty clear you’re out of touch with real hip-hop when you write a letter defending auto-tune.
